The idea of being alone is not always seen as a good thing. Too often, being alone is associated with the word lonely, but the two ideas are not mutually exclusive. Getting to the point where you enjoy being alone —and dare I say, are happy alone — is a powerful place to be, and one that can be very grounding and rewarding once you're comfortable in that
In order to feel happy alone, you must first build a relationship with yourself. "Building a relationship with yourself involves actually getting to know yourself, as you would anyone else you wanted to build a relationship with," explains Nancy Colier, psychotherapist and author of The Emotionally Exhausted Woman: Why You Feel Depleted and How to Get What You Need.
Colier adds that "while you may think you already know yourself (maybe more than you want to know), most of what you know is probably about who you should be and shouldn’t be, as opposed to who you really are."
In that sense, getting to know yourself unapologetically is the first step to learning how to love yourself and be happy alone. Here are a few more expert-led ways to find happiness alone.
How to Be Your Own Best Friend
First of all, be mindful of judgments that might arise when spending time focusing on yourself, and remind yourself that putting yourself first is a healthy move. "As women, we're taught to be selfless, to take care of others’ needs over our own, and if possible, to have no needs of our own," says Colier. "If we put ourselves on the list of people who matter; if we choose to spend time with ourselves, we’re often labeled selfish and entitled."
Colier says that it might be helpful to acknowledge the loss up until this point of having not experienced true love for yourself or even happiness in solitude. You can even do a small ritual like burning a candle or journaling to signify the start of your personal journey to loving yourself and appreciating being alone. "Journaling can be a wonderful way to discover new things about ourselves and gain deeper insights into who we are," says Kristin Wilson, M.A., L.P.C., C.C.T.P, R.Y.T., and chief experience officer at Newport Healthcare. "Writing in a journal can provide an emotional release and offer a place for us to be completely honest and authentic with ourselves," she adds.